This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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