on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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