After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he laminated a picture of his dick.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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