we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
