I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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