The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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