I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
