Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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