you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
