Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
