i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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