this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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