Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
