I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
