So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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