Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
