I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
