I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
