OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
