You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
