Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
