Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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