why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
