She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Even my vagina gasped.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
