My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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