because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
