so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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