you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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