Who did Billy Mays play for?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
high people should be assigned attendants
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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