So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
