its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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