I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
