I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
