the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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