Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
How many fucks given?
0.12846
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
