i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
