Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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