The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
