I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
