I just threw up on my dentist
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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