i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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