this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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