Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
