So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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