My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
