Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
