The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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