Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
