we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
