just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
