she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
