I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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