There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
